I am in the zone. It is neither easy nor simple to define it. It is the moment when I moved out of myself as a personality and view my life on an outsider’s perspective. Looking onto the world with an insight uncluttered by judgment and experience, ego flayed to ribbons. It is a sense of nullity. Being a black hole, taking in everything without any motive, absorbing energy and spirit. It is clearer, much clearer than I ever imagined it could have been.
I see a world with shades, of colors indefinable. The perception of right and wrong has broadened. Everything experienced in life has a * mark along with the small print conditions apply. Choices based on circumstances stand void with time. Perception influences life to an extreme beyond reason. I am what I perceive that I am, I am what I perceive other’s perception of what I am. What is perception based on? Experience? What if you are to experience something that you have never experienced before, something unknown, what do you rely upon? Instinct?
What is instinct? I once believed that instinct was my subconscious telling me what to do, but sub-consciousness is based on experience and knowledge. Instinct, that gut feeling has nothing to do with conscience. I don’t know what instinct is. I wonder whether I would ever know what it is. The real question arises whether I really want to know how instinct works. Will understanding how instinct works result in me losing my instinct? The question remains unanswered.
I live a life of inquisition and emotion. Both are interrelated and interdependent. The more I know the more it affected my emotions. The more I am affected emotionally the more I want to understand why and how? And this would influence the way I react the next time. However, I still react. I yearn for the moment when I can choose whether to react or not. It is a distance reality, but it sure is a reality if I perceive it to be. That leads me to whether I can change perceptions to suit my world, can I perceive the world to be painted all white and pure and fail to recognize the imperfections that exist. Would it be termed as self –hypnosis or madness? Is happiness a perception of goodness or an ignorance of the shadows behind every lighted object? Or both?
I always told myself that I would live life as long as I had all my senses, my sense of touch, smell, sight, sound, taste. But I forgot the most important sense which defines my life; my sense of perception. I would without this particular sense as lifeless as without all other senses put together. I realized it today. And today I am.
